An open letter to my sweetheart, cc to all ladies in relationships.

Dear Elena my love,

I have severally overheard you and your girlfriends the likes of Asha, Amina, Peninah, charity [come on, you know them], say that we, men are dogs! Of course I’ve never confronted you over the remark but that doesn’t mean that I accepted that as a man, am a dog.

You are entitled to your opinion and definitely you have a right of expression. Am very aware that our relationship has turned out to be a rough journey on a roller coaster; we quarrel often and if we fail to do something about it, our world might split. We are doing well though.

I appreciate the fact that I have wronged you severally but let me pinpoint that despite the unwavering efforts we are putting towards our relationship; there are some specific matters I would very much beg you keep in check.

You are a typical woman, I understand, and women make relationship mistakes. It happens. For the sake of my love for you and my unquestionable desire to save our relationship, I’m going to give you what I would define as a ‘recipe to a wonderful relationship; a woman’s guide to realizing a hot steaming relationship.’

If it’s in your interest to save our otherwise decaying relationship you will consider the desired changes or if otherwise, you can keep on doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results a perfect definition of insanity.

I first and foremost beg you stop believing and putting so much energy into the idea of a fairy-tale romance and magical relationships that can never happen. You are always glued on screens watching the ‘romantic’ Spanish soap operas which depict unrealistic love scenarios; rich and handsome men, men always apologizing to their ladies over tiny tiny issues and so on and so forth. Excuse me, you have to understand that these are mere creative scripts written by artists and then acted – they are not and can never be real, it can never happen. It is absolute fiction! No man can ever conform to those soap depictions of ‘ideal’ men.

Secondly, a phone is a personal effect. You have this lousy habit of perusing through my phone contacts and short messages pretending to be browsing or borrowing a friend’s number. I always pretend not notice exactly what you are doing but believe me you, I do. This is a good show that you don’t trust me at all and that you have fears that I have a ‘side dish’ somewhere. What hurts even more is the fact that you do so discreetly, hiding. It would be better you borrow the phone openly, do whatever you want to do with it and ask where you have doubts or fears.

The easiest way to get a man is through according him attention. The problem with you is that you never call, you only beep or send flashback messages for me to call you back. Let me tell you something; a relationship is a two-legged thing- a two way exchange. It calls for equal participation of both parties. If one leg is broken, there’s no way then the identity can balance on the other single leg! Start calling because as a matter of fact I am undergoing a lot of pressure trying to stick to you- my quiet and mean wife, while there are so many beautiful women out their spending every single resource at their disposal to get me. I would want to hope you understand what I mean – it’s so taxing to stick by mean you.

Again, we are different honey, you are you and I’m different. Your interests, choices, preferences, ideologies and decisions are very much different from mine. Thinking our partners must be interested in everything we do, think and say is stupid. In short stop forcing me to subscribe to your ideologies because I will not. And for your information, differing from you does not necessarily mean that I no longer love you. It only means, I don’t buy the idea and so we don’t have to pick a fight over it.

I don’t know where you got the impression that relationships are made to be smooth, my dear. You have this backward conviction that a perfect relationship should be easy no wonder you always wish we end our relationship every time we have differences. Honey, relationships require work and compromise; a perfect relationship means doing things well.

Your man will sometimes need some time on his own. He will sometimes look reserved, not willing to do much and in fact he will have less to do with you. This doesn’t mean he has stopped caring and wanting to be close to you. It simply means that he wants to be alone, have a breathing space and time on his own. So please don’t be mad at me if I ignore you in the house making you feel alone. It’s natural.

Dear Angie, being in a relationship doesn’t demand you drop friends in your life and concentrate on your love! Most people tend to kick out of their lives friends they had made before when falling in love. It is very important to note that friends help us define who we are, and we need them when things get tough. When one drops friends, it ends up making her a tattoo on her boyfriend becoming nagging and always on the neck. Relationships are hard and testing and most often than not you will need good friends to share your problems and borrow insights to spice your relationship.

Thinking that getting a boyfriend or husband will solve all our problems is totally insane. No one can fix your life for you! You have this tendency of ever wanting to be on the receiving end and little do you want to struggle and achieve something on your own. You get yourself in a mess and you expect me to wipe you sparkling clean? - Never! It is good to do your best and let your partner facilitate or help where possible besides everyone has own goals and targets to meet, demanding help always means inconvenience and unnecessary burden.

I wish I had time to write everything and clarify issues but I think that’s where my so long a letter comes to a stall. As you have read some habits need to stop. We need to declare once and for all: let's quit! Quitters sometimes prosper, especially when lousy habits get left behind.

God bless our relationship.

Your loving Fiancée,

@De_ Syoks. [AMP]